Here Back East

Fathers and Sons

Fathers are always an intriguing subject of discussion since we all have one. This week’s edition of the Sag Harbor paper carried a feature story about a local high school graduate who, inspired by his father’s profession, is headed for the Naval Academy where he intends to pursue flight training. His father is a retired commercial airline pilot who had his son in a cockpit from a young age, instilling in him those dreams of becoming a Naval fighter pilot. The story tied in neatly with two books I’ve read recently about the influence of fathers on the lives and livelihoods of their children. Father and Son by Jonathan Raban is the true story of the author’s own experience in overcoming, at age 69, the trauma of a stroke, interwoven with the story of the battles his father faced when he served for three years in the British Army during World War II. In confronting his new physical challenges, the author describes the connections he feels with his father across the decades. The other book is the novel Fathers by Herbert Gold, an exploration of a father-son relationship in memoir form, starting in the “old country” through immigration to the U.S. and the realization of the American Dream, ending in the 1960s. The old-world values are maintained through their shared studying of the Torah. Both authors in their own way show their respect and affection for the role of the father in their lives.

My own father-son story is complicated—not least because I always felt the need to step in to protect my mother from my father’s outbursts--but there is no question I still feel Dad’s influence, decades on from when he passed away. After coming to this country from Ukraine--via Argentina--when he was only 17 years old, my father, Leibisch, eventually found employment running a parking lot outside the Eastman theater in Rochester, New York. He supported our family with the quarters that added up each day from “leasing” the spots. The parking lot was a “real estate” operation that provided a steady income. I am a real estate attorney and the formative years I spent working for and watching my father manage his business shaped my work ethic and had an effect on my own interest in investing in real estate, in studying the law related to it and making a living from it for 60 years now. Dad was a “tough guy” and sometimes hard to please, but I am grateful for the early steering I got from him. Though I don’t have sons, I do have two wonderful daughters who have pursued their own interests--I like to think with some positive input from their dad, however they were most influenced by their mother on the artistic side. The way we live our lives can reflect the appreciation we feel for our fathers. I know mine has and it is why I am drawn to books on the subject. I can’t grab my dad’s hand today and say, “I love you.” Now it is my turn to hold the hands of my grandchildren and impart some of Liebisch’s legacy to them.