(SACRAMENTO) – In a wholly unexpected turn of events, a recent discovery by a team of historians and librarians in the Capitol Archives in Sacramento has required a dramatic reshaping of California’s state government as a result of a little- known legislative referendum during the Gold Rush. This discovery has come as a shock to state and national governments, news media, historians and many other entities, and has left all of them scratching their heads in bafflement.

As a bit of background, California’s government hasn’t always been based in Sacramento. During Mexican governance, the future state was governed from Monterey, and when statehood was first achieved the legislature and governor’s office were based in San Jose. The seat of power soon moved to Vallejo, then to the neighboring town of Benicia, before finally moving to Sacramento in 1854. Here’s where things get sticky – the legislature’s vote to move the capitol out of Benicia was done on a secret ballot, with seven cities – Hollister, San Diego, Sacramento, Benicia, Downieville, Fresno and San Francisco – all bidding to become the new seat of government. All of them except Downieville and Sacramento were eliminated on the initial ballot, with Sacramento emerging victorious by five votes on the final ballot…or was it?

The discovery that shook Sacramento two weeks ago Monday was a secret correspondence between then-Governor of California Tom Bigelow, a proponent of Sacramento’s bid, and Isaiah Small, the Speaker of the Assembly. The letter contains an assurance by Small to Bigelow that Sacramento’s bid was chosen despite Downieville winning the actual vote, due to fifteen counterfeit ballots that Small and several of his select allies had snuck into the ballot box to replace votes for Downieville. After much hemming and hawing over the veracity of this letter, DNA evidence collected from the letter proved that the letter – and the conspiracy behind it – were indeed legitimate, undermining Sacramento’s claim to be the capitol of California.

Although initially met with shock and disbelief, the legislature has rapidly accepted this historical fact, and in a 67- 13 Assembly vote and 30-10 Senate vote, a decision to move California’s seat of power to the Town of Two Rivers has been ratified.

“I admit, it’s a real surprise to see what the archivists dug up this time” said incumbent Governor Manfredi Johnson (D-Capitola) at a recent press conference. “However, in California, we don’t run from our past – we embrace it and all its glories and tragedies, while righting our wrongs when necessary and learning from them when impossible.” The Governor is reportedly looking forward to waking up every morning to the sight of the North Yuba’s crystal-clear waters after the move is completed.

Johnson’s position, however, is not universally popular. “Regardless of the centuries-old conspiracy that was unveiled recently, we must accept what’s done to be done and remain in our own City of Two Rivers” said Sacramento Assemblymember Lauren Orozco (D-Arden Arcade). When contacted as to whether this was consistent with her proposal to fund the rebuilding of a historic Chinatown that she herself said was “to right the wrongs of the past”, there was no answer to be had from Assemblymember Orozco’s office.

Most proposals for relocation involve carving out large sections inside the mountains surrounding Downieville to create the world’s first completely underground bureaucracy. Other proposals to instead build most development atop nearby Pliocene Ridge were nixed by local property owners (typically via their shotguns) and the U.S. Forest Service. The approved project will cost over $60 billion dollars and is tentatively going to be completed by 2030.

Locally, reactions have been mixed despite enthusiasm from the county government. “I’m just not so sure about it all” said Ron Myer, local curmudgeon, lint collector and retired trout food salesman. “A lot of us came up here to avoid the hustle and bustle or stayed here to avoid society writ large; I ain’t too fond of the idea that the state bureaucracy is coming to us.”

Others, like Sierraville-area County Supervisor Dick Bugger, are optimistic but wary. “I’m good with it as long as they stay on the west side and don’t provoke the volcano,'' Bugger said, gesturing to Beckwourth Peak when we interviewed him over a cup of coffee at Georgina’s Café in Sierraville. Bugger was, of course, referring to last year’s eruption, which would have devastated eastern Plumas and Sierra Counties if not for the brave sacrifice of several local youngsters to dynamite a hole in the side of the mountain and drain the lava out into Carman Valley.

As for us here at the Downieville Disinformer, we personally look forward to supplanting the Sacramento Bee as the number one news source in California’s capitol.