Geezer Panic Postpones Chili Cook-off

YUBA PASS — There was a time when the mere threat of a blizzard would have had no effect on the Great Yuba Pass Cook-off. That time was 30 years ago.

We are dismayed to inform the public the mere threat of a few snowflakes has resulted in the Premier Social event of the year being postponed until Saturday, March 9.

The aging process is almost certainly the cause of this unprecedented catastrophe, but several more palatable excuses are being offered: public safety, CalTrans’ convenience, highway closures, impending mass incarceration by the Sheriff’s Office, and the wrath of God have all been trotted out to explain the weakness of mortal ambition. In fact, all of those aforementioned powers have been interviewed and consulted. Only several of them have been true.